There's a Unicorn in My Bedroom!
by Lassroyale
Summary: How Arthur learned Merlin had magic...


**Title:** "There's A Unicorn in My Bedroom!" or "How Arthur Discovered Merlin Had Magic"  
**Author:** Lassroyale  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warning:** CRACK, CRACK, and MORE CRACK. Crackity crack to get you high. Fluff too!  
**Parings:** Merlin/Arthur  
**Disclaimer:** The pretty boys don't belong to me - they belong to each other and the BBC of course. This is also what the other side of my brain looks like. Wave hello, cracky brain, you go back in the straight jacket after this.  
**Word Count: **1625  
**Summary:**Written for the Merlin/Arthur Kink Meme for the prompt: _Arthur/Merlin ; Arthur discovers Merlin has magic - the how is up to you_

**A/N:** I err...apologize ahead of time to the Anon prompt leaver. I'm sure this is exactly what you WEREN'T looking for, bug goddamn if the plot bunny didn't gnaw on my ankles until I started typing. *cough cough*  
**A/N 2:** No naked fairies were harmed during the writing of this fic.

**"There's A Unicorn in My Bedroom!" or "How Arthur Discovered Merlin Had Magic"**

***

The thing about magic, is that it is a wild and unpredictable force. Even those who profess to have mastered the art of weaving those arcane threads together into spells of incredible power, have often found that even a spell cast numerous times before, may just once go terribly, terribly, awry.

Combine that with Merlin's general luck in life and you had a recipe for disaster.

Suffice to say, the warlock was actually surprised that something like _this_ hadn't happened before now. 'This' happened come in the form of a tiny naked fairy girl, who was currently nestled contentedly in his dark hair and was chattering away at him gaily. Every time she moved a sparkly cloud of something-or-other, drifted in her wake. When she spoke, her voice sounded like the chiming of tiny bells. Merlin had discovered fairly quickly that she liked to talk..._a lot_.

And how exactly had a little fairy girl come to _be_ there?

The warlock's face flushed scarlet as he remembered: _she had exploded into being when he had, well, orgasmed. _

It was even more embarrassing to process the thought.

He sneezed, sending up a small puff of glittery dust that had settled in his hair and on his skin. The sudden movement upset little blonde fairy from her nest in his hair. Immediately, she zipped around to hover in front of him, her tiny hands on tiny hips, and bounced and up and down angrily as she scolded him.

Merlin's eyes widened as he watched the tiny woman and her tiny lady parts hover and jiggle, and he looked away quickly, flushing a deeper red. There had to be some sort of law against having tiny naked women in the prince's chambers while he was asleep - all magical essence aside. It was just _wrong_ on the sort of level that the warlock didn't care to ponder.

The fairy, noticing that Merlin wasn't paying attention to her, waved her small arms some more and shouted at him. Her angry chiding sounded liked the tolling of many tiny bells at noontime, and honestly made quite a racket in spite of her diminutive stature.

Next to them, Arthur groaned and swatted half-heartedly at him, and buried himself deeper into the pillows. "Shaddup," came the prince's muffled grumble, his voice thick with post-coitus sleep.

Merlin panicked briefly and swatted at the irksome little thing. "Be quiet," he hissed, shooting a glance at Arthur. For once, he was thankful that the prince seemed to sleep so soundly once he'd been...ah, _sated_. "Arthur can't see you. He'd have both of our heads."

The fairy folded her arms across her small bosom, and pouted.

"I know Tinky," said Merlin, and immediately sneezed again as the tiny girl flew at his face in a burst of sparkles and glitter dust . "I meant Tinkybelle!" he cried holding his arms over his head as the irate fairy began to buzz around his head with a sound like chimes in a windstorm.

"MERLIN!"

The warlock froze, his arms still covering his dark head for the attack that had suddenly ceased coming. He peered out from under his elbow at Arthur, who looked much like a grumpy bear woken prematurely from hibernation.

"I thought I ordered you to shut up," groused the prince, flopping onto his back with a heavy sigh. Merlin muttered something under his breath which caused the blonde to look towards him with a raised brow. Then his brow furrowed. "Is that...glitter?"

"It's erm, Morgana's," stammered the warlock. At Arthur's less than impressed look, he hastened to add, "She said it made me look...pretty?"

"Gods, what am I going to do with you?" grumbled the prince in response, as he rolled over and immediately fell back asleep.

***

The second time it happened, Merlin and Arthur had been taking a tumble in the hay - literally. The blonde was a solid weight moving above him, crashing and rolling deep into him with long deep strokes. The warlock's dark hair was slick with sweat and the smell and taste of Arthur as he thrust into him, filled his nostrils and mouth. He could feel his orgasm right there, throbbing just beneath his fingertips, and with one more long pull of his own hand against his weeping sex, he came and came hard.

When his vision cleared, he wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and and pulled him down for a deep kiss. He felt the blonde stiffen and still, before he was filled with the hot wetness of Arthur's spunk. The prince groaned against his neck and collapsed almost on top of him, pinning Merlin half beneath his body.

The warlock sighed and tried to move him unsuccessfully, when he noticed the pair of yellow eyes staring down at him from the rafters of the barn. At first Merlin thought it might be some sort of weird dangerous creature, but then the pair of eyes moved and revealed the rest of the owner.

A cat.

He heaved a sigh of relief and tried to get comfortable.

That is until the cat hopped smoothly down the rafters - a huge tabby, it looked like - and proceeded to try on Arthur's boots.

Damn. Just damn.

"Psst! Shoo kitty!" Merlin warned, throwing a stone in its direction. The cat ducked the stone with something less than abject interest and turned its luminous yellow eyes on the warlock.

"I would p_rrr_fe_rrr_ if you _rrr_ef_rrr_ained f_rrr_om doing that," mewed the tabby as it stomped around in Arthur's boots.

Merlin gaped. "Y-you _talk_?!" he stammered. The cat gave him a slow blink and proceeded to swat at a string with his little feline paw.

"Why shouldn't I talk?" he purred, his tail lashing to and fro as he pranced around in the prince's clunky boots again, abandoning the string. "You c_rrr_eated me."

Now Merlin wasn't sure he was okay with that thought, but at that moment Arthur rumbled atop of him. "What're you saying?" mumbled he.

The warlock sighed and let his head drop back to the hay. "There's a cat wearing your boots, Arthur."

"Ngh."

"Really."

"Let 'im, they're the boots you ruined anyway since you can't seem to polish anything."

"I did not!" huffed Merlin indignantly, but Arthur was already snoring again.

***

The third time it happened, there was no keeping it from Arthur. In fact, Merlin hadn't even come down from his post-coital high before he felt the tension curl through the air. He sat up groggily, assessed the situation, and burst into hysterical, slightly maniacal laughter.

Arthur was standing, stark naked by the bedside, with a dagger in one hand as he stared wide-eyed at the unicorn in his bedroom.

..bedroom.

Oh gods, Merlin was losing his head for this one for sure. Even as the thought crossed his mind, the unicorn stamped its foot and plodded over to nibble on the leftovers of Arthur's lunch.

"What's all of this! What-how-" The prince sputtered, clearly out of his element. He remembered what had happened last time he'd slain a unicorn, and wasn't keen on reliving the events. Still, how had one gotten into _his_ bedroom.

Just then, what appeared to be a tiny, flying, and very naked girl shot through the open window and right to Merlin. The...thing, nestled right into his hair and...well, _chimed_ at him happily.

Arthur sat down heavily, staring at Merlin as if he were the unicorn that had magically appeared in his chambers.

"You did this?" he asked weakly, letting the tip of his dagger lower. The warlock, looking utterly frightened, nodded. "How?"

Now Merlin looked more embarrassed than frightened. "Well see, that's the thing," he mumbled, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. "It sort of happens everytime I-err-everytime we-ahh-well-umm-"

"Spit it out!" snapped the prince, his blue eyes narrowing.

"It happens whenever I orgasm, okay?" spat Merlin angrily in reply, his cheeks the color of a ruby apple.

Arthur was speechless for several long, painful moments, and then, without quite meaning to, burst into laughter.

"Gods, _Mer_lin, you're a horrible sorcerer, too!"

Merlin looked at Arthur in disbelief as the prince stalked back over and gave him a solid kiss on the lips. "We _will_ discuss this later, but for now, get rid of these creatures before my father sees them."

"Well," said Merlin uncomfortably, "that's the thing..."

"What's the thing?" asked Arthur, poking a finger at the tiny fairy girl, which she promptly bit.

"I sort of...can't."

"WHAT?"

(The End!)


End file.
